If the events of tomorrow don't save Who's Who?
What is my role and then what is yours?
Being the moments... Embracing our core...

Adolescence: 12 to 18 Years

Ego Development Outcome: Identity vs. Role Confusion

Basic Strengths: Devotion and Fidelity

Up to this stage, according to Erikson, development mostly depends upon what is done to us. From here on out, development depends primarily upon what we do. And while adolescence is a stage at which we are neither a child nor an adult, life is definitely getting more complex as we attempt to find our own identity, struggle with social interactions, and grapple with moral issues.

Our task is to discover who we are as individuals separate from our family of origin and as members of a wider society. Unfortunately for those around us, in this process many of us go into a period of withdrawing from responsibilities, which Erikson called a "moratorium." And if we are unsuccessful in navigating this stage, we will experience role confusion and upheaval.

A significant task for us is to establish a philosophy of life and in this process we tend to think in terms of ideals, which are conflict free, rather than reality, which is not. The problem is that we don't have much experience and find it easy to substitute ideals for experience. However, we can also develop strong devotion to friends and causes.

It is no surprise that our most significant relationships are with peer groups.
............
So does that look like someone you know?  If s/he is between 12 and 18, I hope so!... for their sake as much as yours!  I think it's a hard stage to manage because all of the sudden, the emerging adult jumps into our lives, and we had no idea that the kid was gonna do that... grow into that... try that... be that. 

There are some serious snags.  If the kid is trying to break free and be independent, all is well.  Sometimes that looks like irony.  Our teen kids want to express themselves as INDEPENDENT from the family.  Hey, you have a religion, they're likely to choose another.  You love piercings (like Eric and I), they won't want 'em at all.  It runs the gamet.

I think the trick is to be both the adult for the emerging adult-teen, and be parent for the retiring child-teen.  I see parents act in their own best interests rather than in their kids' best interest.  DON'T DO THAT!  Sometimes the kids want snuggling and cookies... be that.  Sometimes they want to pay their own way, control their own grades/cars/lives... be that!  Walk the tight rope.  Be there to listen... don't ask them to talk.  Isn't this fun?  We could list dichotomies 'til the end of time.

Respect your teen, love your teen.  Treat the teen as you would treat an admired and accomplished coworker.  You won't regret it.  Recognize the adult and child within and value the moments here.  They will never be back.  What a beautiful and amazing evolvement it is to witness... the unfolding of a miracle... the emergence of a bright, glorious, unique individual who is fresh and ready to tackle this world that is tired of the dust and gloom. 

Blogging instead of meditating?  Is blogging meditating?

I just finished a call... a call with the sister in law of our first 4H leader.  Her husband, not yet 50, was killed yesterday in a car accident.  Sudden death.

What is there to do, to be?  How is it possible?  Why?  Sheila lost her teenaged son only ten years ago, and then to be widowed with half a life to live... sudden death.

The arrangements are yet to be made.  The friends are all gathered, being the moments of distraction.  But when they leave at night, she is alone in bed.  The challenges will loom.  The distress build.  The energy run through her without an avenue of escape.  In sudden death.

Can she find the love, feel the truth, be embraced by her god?  Will she know the relief of transformation disguised in this horror of appearance?  Is it possible to emerge from the pain as if she was liquified in the cocoon, escaping as the butterfly?

Can sudden death be sudden birth?
(Is this meditation?)  Manifest it to be so.  Use tong len to make it so, for everyone everywhere.

What is it about Tuesday's that brings the canines to weirdness?  I noticed the pattern when I was in college.  When my friend and I carpooled, anytime there were groups of dogs it "happened" to be on Tuesday... strange.

Do you suppose there is something about the dog star that aligns every seventh turn of the earth (I doubt it)?  Or do you think they all read the Dr. Suess book "Go Dogs Go" and had tree envy?

So the dogs were weird today.  Heck, the world was weird today.  I, however, was stable and normal, for the record.  Although most of you would say that I act like every day is Dog Party Day in my head... so what's normal?

Dogs...  heavy sigh.  For whatever protection I needed from entities unseen, they started the day by being desperate to sleep on the floor of the bedroom (not my style).  Then, by 4am, one of 'em was "sick as a dog" all over the carpet, ALL over the carpet, like all, like 4x8 foot space type all.  Have you ever spooned excrement from fabric?  What an experience!!!

Then, oh ya, the drive... So dogs were grouped and acting wacko.  Two were running pell mell down the right side of the street on my way into town, tongues lolling.  Two ran into the highway and stopped in front of my car to meander... it was the highway!!!  What the heck?  A Bichon Frise  (I call 'em Bitchin Fries 'cause it makes me laugh... but they're those white puffy things called Beee Shaun Fri Zays) was actually out of captivity and CHASED the car down by the lake.  I don't think I've ever seen a Bichon Frise break out of grandpa speed!

When I returned home... yep, back again to the same way I started the day at 4am.  Oh boy, what fun!  Don't feed Malamutes semi sweet chocolate, just for the record.  (Most dogs live through it quite well actually; it takes an ounce per pound of dog to kill... so one of our dogs would have to eat four pounds of straight chocolate to die).

What's really funny is that this is what interests me right now.  I haven't checked the stats on the election.  It is what it is.  No one I have been in contact with has had a clue either.  How weird is that?  Maybe sometime this month I will know who the president is... and ya, of course my ballot made it into the box with time to spare.  I'm not that insane : )

Interesting dichotomy.

I was pondering whether to reach into some deep meditation and book club reading... but this is what needs to be done.

Yesterday we went to the funeral of a happy, young grandfather.  He died suddenly after falling asleep at the wheel of his car.  The last day had been somewhat joyous, in that he had gathered with friends, ate a meal, sat in his season ticket holder location of Seahawk stadium... only somewhat joyous, 'cause the Hawks lost.  At the service, friends and relatives relayed his passion for life, of how he lived in joy and friendship, how he used his moments to share that smile and laughter with others in his path.  Accurate. 

He was 49.

His wife and daughter are distraught.  But even as the memorial unfolded, the grandchild was the key to their sanity.  The baby giggled and hopped and smiled in their arms.  He is the link that keeps the mind and heart distracted.  He is the focus on something beyond the pain.  He is the promise of everlasting life.

We had a chance to speak with the widow's sister, another of our friends, on our path toward the exit.  She was having difficulty subduing her jubilation.  Her first grandchild was hours from being born!  She was heading to the hospital.

Death.  Birth.  An Eternal evolving miracle.

Oh ya, semi whim!  Eric thought it might be fun (and had no idea there would be Christmas music, which he hates).  I rarely check on what something "new" is, 'cause I love to try the unknown.  So we bought fours seats earlier this week.  Well, I don't know what I was thinking.  I should have bought six or eight to begin with.  It's so dang predictable!

Today arrived.  I thought I'd be picking up two tickets for Christine and Michael... but there was the multiplying dog issue.  They came across the state with Zara, and adopted Harley in Everett... which would have left our house in control of a five member pack (unless Pinkerton counts, but as a cat, she isn't overly interested in joining the wrestling fun).  They opted to head home a night early.

No escape.  Ny and Shante came home from drama with Karolynne... and since there wasn't a seat (supposedly) right next to the four in the Key Areana... the girls called in Rosanna, and kicked us out of our original space.  So weird to have teens.

We ended up in better seats, all-be-it... and alone together.  So sad (sarcastic : ).

Hey, cool... very cool.  Do this Trans Siberian thing if you haven't.  Do it again if you have.  It was not what any of us expected.  "Orchestra"???  Well, there were instruments.  But, this is no standard orchestra!  And it's definitely a stage and light show... like laser light show with a pyrotechnic twist.  

The music was a pretty versatile mix (half a Christmas set with a story line)... but there was classical influence... enough of Beethoven's Fifth to be recognized.  There was enough "Queen" to be obvious as well... their style anyway.  One of the band members had been with Queen in the past.  Amazing, unique, incredible stuff. 

The artist in me couldn't help but appreciate the staging and the design of the lighting set ups... the choreography literally rocked too!  OK, that's enough... this is NOT a "words" thing.  This is definitely a witnessing thing.  The man behind the creation is doing God's work well, very unique indeed.

Ooooo... and an addendum... rock violin... I have a new obsession with rock violin.  It began at my sister-in-law's church, but it was a slam dunk tonight, hee hee hee.  Check that out as well.  : )  Try something new... you may be pleasantly surprised!

Hee hee hee, not a typo!  I was thinking how interesting it is to see through the eyes of others.  Kwami seemed surprised that I was the supreme ruler of my universe at age four.  I asked Judy today about it, about my anal side.  It seems that she thought I've pretty well balanced my act.  Watch for her correction below.

Hmmm.  I don't know.  I guess I am caught in the loop of seeing myself in a way that I have been and can be every second.  Anal! ... a person who would like the world to run a certain way, with certain priorities, and who even loves the idea of rules that work!  That's not all there is to it.  It includes stuff like thorough paperwork and spreadsheets for bill paying and a calendar the size of a road map...  So ya, anal. 

Hey, I have great examples! 

I grew up pretty dang intense.  It's hard to be a kid and keep a wayward family under control : )  But that same force went to school with me, and made good grades impossible to miss.  I didn't know how to get a B.  I still don't... although I've managed a couple in areas of weakness.  I encourage the girls to learn it, because there is more to life than grades.  I could have LEARNED something.  Grades are a goal.   But the truth is that the knowledge, the process, is far more valuable than the product.

And onward with life, before I surrendered to the reality of children, and scout people, and muddy dogs... I would not let a soul in the house if there was dust on the fan light, on the blades.  Ok, what a freak!  (The rest of the house was that clean too.)

I managed a Service Unit of 70 or so scout leaders... and I definitely had a picture of what that should look like.  Fortunately/unfortunately I was very decisive on how it should flow, how it should be, and what worked.  I don't need to be right here, but it was highly successful for the time.  But in that solidity of self, I was pretty consumed with the duties... like twelve hours a day sorta consumed. 

I have spent a lot of my life so caught up in the particulars, in the rules, in the regimen of playing out life that I haven't lived it.  In so many ways, the teens (maybe before they were teens) were the ones that sank the boat and freed me to swim.  (And I LOVE to swim, figuratively and literally.)

Tonight, we went on a teen event that was planned last night.  A dozen of the group went through the whole thing (through midnightish)... and all fifteen came for the beginning.  What the heck?  That's not anal.  That's not regimented.  I didn't even know who was going to drive until we were driving.  I had no idea who would show up.  The plan emerged as it was happening.

So this is faith.  I've learned recently that everything works out every time, no matter what, no matter how... and I just go forward knowing that.  It's so different and so, hmm, free.  It's so God! 

What is the lesson?  Does there have to be one?  I still know which bill gets paid when, but that makes things easier.  I still have a calendar, and know where people have to be when, and so on ... but I can also say that we move with the waves of the water as we swim through this open sea! 

I really recommend it!  Try a little spontaneity.  Walk in the rain : )  Get up in the middle of the night to notice the full moon!  Why not?

Hey, I love Jesus.  I think he rocks, is an incredible prophet and a true Savior to many.  How is that deniable?  But the same stories and verses that were carefully quoted to me can be used to defend my own spiritual beliefs.  The fact that Jesus was straight on the whole God thing doesn't mean people are interpreting his message accurately.  I would say that most people who "know" the bible upside down and backward have no idea what it says.  ...Them is fightin' words... : )

"So", the three asked, "is it ok if we pull up chairs?"  They needed them.  I think we talked for an hour or so.  And I really, really do feel sorry for them, really, really do wonder how their conversation continued with one another as they left me.

Our words went like this. "Can we ask you a few questions about your faith for a survey?"

"What are you going to do with the information?"

"We only want to understand."  (Oh ya, this is where it was absolutely exciting for me, hard to curtail ego and remain with the One.)

"Do you have a belief system?  Do you pray?  What is your perception of sin?"

"Ooooo, baby... I thought you'd never ask!"  Really.  But maybe the hardest part was that Carolyn (adult Carolyn) sat silently across the table from me.  Her religious position, her church, has the same goal and beliefs of those who were working to convince me.  For wherever she missed it in the past, this conversation threw me out of the closet!

I'm hard to argue with.  I see the lack of logic in things that are said.  I call people back to being consistent.  I have no issue with knowing my position and expressing it.  I have  three bibles that I reference (not with overzealousness by any means, but I rarely read just one).  BUT, I also have a very cursory knowledge of several other religious traditions and texts (luckily for the missionaries, I left Paganism out... You never know how close to heart attack some older folk may be.)

They tried.  Oh how they tried.  So who got what out of this?  Did I grow?  Did they?  One of the two men was young (maybe 20).  I don't think he spoke a word.  He smiled, and nodded, and seemed all supporting of the conversation.  What did he take away with him?  Will my words curse his dreams, nag at his heart, drag him kicking and screaming into broader perspective?  Hmmmmm.....

The bottom line of the entire debate, the bottom line of any debate, is that of "definition".  We must agree upon definitions to speak the same language.  My God, my sin, my heaven, my Savior, my religious text, my hell, my prayer, ... they all differ from the Christian Evangelical standard.  I don't find THEM wrong!  Not at all.  I just don't think we are talking about the same thing.  And, I think Jesus and I ARE talking about the same thing.  I hope we are anyway.

For those who do not know me, for those who are curious about my words, there is no simple synopsis.  I believe that there is a core to all world religions, a space where there is no difference.  That could be defined as love.  It could be defined as God.  That is what I believe to be the Truth.  I can mention the miracles of the gurus.  I can site the Yogasutras, or the Bhagvad-gita, or the Koran or so many other core teachings (but not well, so don't even ask... I claim NO expertise).   Sometimes I even quote the Bible.   I can reinterpret the passages of any to match the other.  I do not think Christianity is the only way to God.  I do think that it's a way to the experience for some.

Sin?  "Above all else, love one another."  How much further must I go?  I think sin is the movement away from what we are called to be and do on the planet.  I think there are people who are wholly and totally living the commandments but are deep in sin.  I think there are people who have broken most of the commandments who are virtually sinless.  Have fun with that!  You'll actually have to write a comment if you want an explanation.

Judgment?  I love this question... "Do you think you are going to heaven?"  Whose heaven?  I do not think I am going to their heaven... but I told them I'd say hi when I saw them there.  The confusion of God as three persons came into the mix.  Using the big God as the "judger" is common.  Sigh.  God as three persons, God as a whole.  Jesus the liason.  It's a snafu that no one should bring up when they are talking to me, because I am articulate in the debate!

Prayer?  To some extent, I wonder why people bring it up.  I also think about their own leap to judging others in this.  I never want to "count" the minutes I spend in books, or in meditation, or in just thinking about Eternal projects... it seems ludicrous.  But when people ask, "Do you pray?"... and with some knowing glance or thought about the fires of hell that will be consuming my lower body, I can't help but think that I do.  More than they'll ever know.  But it isn't because I think it does a thing for "me" the ego.  Maybe it's more of an escape from that.  So there's a huge difference in definition.

Oh my gosh, I was thinking, what else is interesting?  How about the definition of God himself, God itself, God ourselves?  Should I even start?  Is it a definition that I can put into words?  Suffice it to say, we don't agree.  And we do agree.  And it doesn't matter.  They certainly have an all powerful, supposedly all loving (yet note the judgment day thing), supreme being.  I have one of those.  But then, that's all I have.  It's like it's the definition of All, the definition of everything, the core of all cores, the being of all religion, the unfolding of all substance, the heart of all sentience.  I think my God is bigger.  I need a ruler to please the male folk!  In all kindness, their God, ya, their God is a small part of my God!  So, it's all the same and it's all different.

That may be more than enough philosophy for this Veteran's Day morning.  The world is facing a ton of challenge.  Christine is healing and working for an emergence.  Eric's mom is hospitalized, in critical condition.  Sheila is grieving her husband.  Connie's husband is recovering from pneumonia.  Michelle's grandchild faces her fourth day of independent life.  And so it goes.

I'm calling the conversationalists church today.  I want to be certain to send thanks for their time, for their patience, and for their goal.  I want to express my gratitude for the method, which was quiet, non argumentative, persuasive.  We all have a role.  They are unfolding perfectly!  WE are unfolding perfectly.

Eric walked in when I'd been meditating... and he made a comment about a really incredible cobweb.  If you don't know Eric, you might think he was nagging about my housekeeping... and he wasn't.  He never does.  I think we could wallow in the depths of squallor, and he'd never notice!  (Actually, I believe we live on the line at times.)

I had been pondering that same cobweb, and it's friends.  I was thinking about the miracle that occurs when one is formed, how the dust particles actually find one another, and then join magnetically, hundreds, thousands, millions of them until they're a strand.  Imagine this.  What are the odds?

OK, ya, so a cobweb was being a joy and a miracle to me.  So I can leave it there, and only feel guilt when I decide to remove it rather than the opposite.  I think that's undeniable joy!  The small things are that, the pattern of the cats fur, the giggle of the teenagers, walking to the car in the pouring rain and feeling it tingle on my skin. 

There are many sorrows in the world right now, so much pain and grief and anguish.  It seems  incredibly overwhelming.  What saves us?

Judy found a ton of sollace in purple flowers, and noticed them everywhere when she needed them.  How cool is that?!!!  There was a oil pastel on the wall last night at A Gathering Grove... purple flowers.

I have usually had at least one song that followed me... Chasing Cars was probably my "flower" song : )  When things seemed totally hopeless, it was there, always there.  Now I smile and feel so very connected to the Eternal whenever it even comes to mind (or plays in stereo).  What a gift!

What brings you back?  What centers you in the beauty you are to all of creation?  Find that gratitude... look for the cobwebs in your life... and cling to those who bring you to the miracle of existence.

Since we live in Washington, this is something imaginable.  The volcanos sit quietly, snow capped most of the time.  Once in a while, a mountain decides to go active.  Steam might rise, ground may shift.  When things really heat up, chunks blast into the air; there are sparks and red hot centers, excitement, movement and transformation!  Hey, once there was even a serious change!  Mt. St. Helens will never be what it once was...  It became something strategically new.  It was literally (en)lightened.

Well, welcome to the week... or rather, celebrate its exit!  I suppose no party is necessary, 'cause it didn't start seven days ago and won't end tomorrow... but we are living in a period of chaotic transformation.  This week was a massive crescendo.

Very few people that I know remained quietly snow capped.  In some ways, you could say that even those who were directly unaffected melted in the heat of their neighbors.  I'd love to hear from anyone who didn't see the week as unique, didn't find that there were people in insane, extraordinary chaos.  I don't know any.  In fact, I know very few mountains who merely melted! 

So, what was that all about?  Why are we being challenged beyond the limits of the past?  How can these be the will and acts of a compassionate God?

Realistically, we are called to reach for our inner selves, and the dismay of the times is all about human form, human ego, and human emotion.  The true self remains unchanged.  Easy to say, difficult to accept.  The crazy blasts of the volcano have nothing to do with Reality.

The last lines of Kwami's blue paper synopsized:  Respect disorder and chaos... rather than shooting for order and logic.  Go willingly into the wilderness of the soul of another, but don't worry about finding the way out!   (Part 3-THe Forum.  ADEC. N/D, 98).  Jumping off the cliff to the waters below is something we are called to do, through our fear and our humanity.  Alone, and hand in hand with our friends. 

Here's to transformation spending some time on the opposite end of the pendulum!

Sunday, Busy Sunday would be more like it.  It's an appropriate ending to a week that's been its equal.  I can't remember having quite this schedule in a while.  I literally have gone from one thing driving directly to the next, or hung up one phone call to answer the following, or typed one email squeezed between a coming and a going.  And in that, what wonderful experiences we've all had!

I think among the crises there have been some serious glories.  The sunsets alone, the moon alone, the shared time with friends alone, the raging water at the Falls alone, the food at Terra Cotta Red and Thai on Broadway alone, Shannon's birthday party alone, the time with the teens at open mike alone... omg, what a list of spectacular moments!

And we're off for another week of surprises, another week of proposed transformations. 

Back to U2, to the end of the song:

"And its true we are immune
When fact is fiction and TV reality
And today the millions cry
We eat and drink while tomorrow they die
The real battle yet begun (Sunday, bloody Sunday)
To claim the victory Jesus won (Sunday, bloody Sunday)
On Sunday, bloody sunday
Sunday, bloody sunday..."

There will be no massacre.  And within the realities of our traumas, "we are immune"... immune because we have the consciousness, the connection, the chance to recognize ourselves for the Truth as Jesus did, as Buddha did, as Gandhi and Mohammed and a vast list of people who live today have done.  "Fact is fiction... Claim the victory!"  Today is Sunday, bloody Sunday.

Well, we all know how rabbit manifestation goes.  It doesn't take much to get a lot in return.  I think it works that way with dust bunnies too.  Have you ever wondered about that title?  Dust bunnies?

So I was watching something move on the ceiling.  I wasn't quite sure if it was friend or foe, but since I do not suffer arachnophobia, I wasn't afraid to be below.  I guess as I look back up, I'm still not certain.  Spider or dust blob?... hmm.

Hold that "still not certain" thought while I go off on a tangent.  Ok, so we have three enormous hairy dogs.  They don't really look all that hairy; I mean it's not Samoyed hair or anything.  But omg, the shedding that happens in this house!!!  The dust bunny, the one that there is a movie about (The Dust Bunny That Ate Seattle), we call him Alfred.  We believe he is the reincarnation of the combined hair energy of all three.  He drifts around aimlessly, and although I swear that I wrangle him into the dust pan and tackle him to the garbage pail, he re-emerges victorious within minutes.  Sigh. 

OK, so "still not certain"... I really needed  a reason to be typing and that definitely caught my eye.  Where am I still not certain?  Where are you still not certain?  There's a LONG list pouring out of my mind right now.  I'm still not certain that I like green peppers, that I've given up organized religion, that I'll always live in America, that the world will be here for my grandchildren, that I want to be a parent (ha ha ha... try that one on my teenagers), that I shouldn't go full blown vegetarian, that I'll ever grow up, that democracy works...

I guess on the Newspaper Headlines, I am still not certain that I'll make it through this transformation period without losing my mind, or that I even want to transform at all, or that the enlightenment game is a game worth playing.

I'm still not certain that this was the intended topic of today's blog (since I tend to leave it to an Eternal unfolding... but I guess we'll find out.... if it appears on the site it was meant to be.  Some don't).

But ya know, much like Alfred the drifting dust bunny, I am certain that there isn't a way to determine my destination.  I AM certain that I am at the mercy of something Eternal and magnificent, something Divine and emerging.  So in all of that uncertainty, there is a sense of surrender.  I will drift as the wind blows.  I will end up in pieces and together... and then in pieces and together again.  I am certain that Alfred and I are One : )

Did you think I could resist?  : )  Sunday, Bloody Sunday... it has to be followed by Just Another Manic Monday, right?  Dang it, there's a blog in the middle blocking the evolution of my witty plays on lyrics!  Perhaps I can manipulate the outcome with my Spidey Senses or Wonder Woman Lasso?  Hmmm.

Are you old enough to remember the Bangles?  I have to admit that I didn't remember the name of the band.  This is more "Eric territory"... he's the chick rock, chick flick guy.  I listended to Scorps and AC-DC myself.  Now I have no genre; it's so funny to lose preferences... like they slip away with the clouds.

Bangles, oh ya, ok... no, I didn't forget my medication tonight because I DON'T TAKE medication... but I definitely am all over the board.  So noted.  Bangles: 

Six o'clock already
I was just in the middle of a dream
I was kissin' Valentino
By a crystal blue Italian stream ...

Have to catch an early train
Got to be to work by nine
And if I had an air-o-plane
I still couldn't make it on time

'Cause it takes me so long
Just to figure out what I'm gonna wear
Blame it on the train
But the boss is already there

It's just another manic Monday

This is definitely not the meat and potatos of an enlightenment blog!!!  I had a hard time screening the sex out of the lyrics.  Maybe I should have used a little acid rock! 

Anyway, I think there is an ordeal that confronts us on the beginning part of something new.  The most repeated newness is the morning, or the week.  And we face it like it's hell.  It's sorta sad, kinda puzzling.  The truth is it's heaven, but we have to OPEN OUR EYES to see it.  Who wants to open their eyes and see the morning, or yet another Manic Monday?

But in the embracing of the unknown, we are far more likely to see the beauty of God.  It's a lot harder to find him (her, it) in the cobwebs of everyday life.  So as we leave our old world lifestyles and antiquated, repeated ways behind, we have a chance to embrace the "manic" moments in their vivid hues, their novel revelations.  I am open to a change, another step, a(n) unique day.   There's nothin' quite like Monday! 

The easiest way to explain what it feels like is through the window of passionate love... If you can muster the empathy for a time when you couldn't stand the emotional distance between yourself and one you loved, it is that.  It is THAT exponentially increased.  Exponents on the exponents.  It's like a total awareness that ya can't live without something that there is absolutely no way to reach.  It's like watching yourself drown, and seeing that the body is only one stroke from the water's surface.  It creates (for me) an intense feeling of expansion around my physical heart. That's spiritual longing.

The reality is that everyone has it.  Some people are more successful than others in keeping it quiet with human fulfillments... the quest for human experiences or success or stuff or self improvements or life changes... sometimes those things work to mute it.  But the longing lingers beyond the fulfillment of earthly endeavor.  Spirituality is calling; "God" is calling.  Maybe some never realize that they hear.

Sometimes that sounds a LOT EASIER from where I stand, almost enviably easier (the not hearing).  Would I trade?  There have been times when I would.  Definitely.  Lots of them.  I would have traded my pound of knowing, for an ounce of indifference.  I don't think it's an option in the God game... and when I press the issue psychologically, I would NOT trade, because the experiences in the God realm are so clear and true and real beyond anything in the past that it would be like trading my daughters for a car.

And so today was this sort of day.  Actually, I'll go with the next few will be this type.  Profound focus. 

So I happened into this particular chapter of Autobiography of a Yogi.  It is Paramahansa Yogananda's description of his first encounter of pure realization.

This is the stuff that makes me purr... I so love every word, the capability of the author to express something ineffable in a way that conveys that it is.  I have such gratitude for outstanding writers, (especially the enlightened ones : ).

And through his words, there is rejuvenation... like I really can go on... like whether I choose to sleep or meditate or even dance, it will all reconnect me with the energy that moves us forward.  The illusion of this world, the illusion of a next, can be overcome.  And hope and vitality are restored!  YAY!  And energy begins to rise.

(I'm breaking this sucker into parts, 'cause otherwise you'd have to read for years to get to the end of my thoughts!)

This is like a hilarious twist.  I'm actually going to start with footnotes.  Do you ever read footnotes?  Aren't they added to torture us?  That's my normal understanding.  And you blind folks out there (you know who you are), aren't footnotes usually obnoxiously minute in size?  OK, so start here though... 'cause this ROCKS!

1 "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."-John 1:1.

2 "For the Father judgeth no man, but hath committed all judgment unto the Son."-John 5:22. "No man hath seen God at any time; the only begotten Son, which is in the bosom of the Father, he hath declared him."-John 1:18. "Verily, verily, I say unto you, he that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father."-John 14:12. "But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said to you."-John 14:26.
These Biblical words refer to the threefold nature of God as Father, Son, Holy Ghost (Sat, Tat, Aum in the Hindu scriptures). God the Father is the Absolute, Unmanifested, existing beyond vibratory creation. God the Son is the Christ Consciousness (Brahma or Kutastha Chaitanya) existing within vibratory creation; this Christ Consciousness is the "only begotten" or sole reflection of the Uncreated Infinite. Its outward manifestation or "witness" is Aum or Holy Ghost, the divine, creative, invisible power which structures all creation through vibration. Aum the blissful Comforter is heard in meditation and reveals to the devotee the ultimate Truth.

If you have never met a Yogi from the Hindu traditions... people, this is Paramahansa Yogananda... and my dear friend PY, these are the Gaia Peeps.  

I didn't know if you realized that a guru might connect you with the Bible.  This is an amazing synopsized explanation of the Trinity.  I think it's a great place to start when we're about to hear about his instantaneous journey through Cosmic Consciousness.

No two people seem to define enlightenment in quite the same way, but I really hold out for this "cosmic consciousness" thing as being the step through the doorway.  It's the first actual realization of God on a long road of realizations.  My definition.  Feel free to put your definitions in the comment section, 'cause I know that even my friends have definitions that differ from my own.  No one can be wrong.  It's just important to know what we mean when we talk... and this is what I mean.

My body became immovably rooted; breath was drawn out of my lungs as if by some huge magnet. Soul and mind instantly lost their physical bondage, and streamed out like a fluid piercing light from my every pore. The flesh was as though dead, yet in my intense awareness I knew that never before had I been fully alive. My sense of identity was no longer narrowly confined to a body, but embraced the circumambient atoms. People on distant streets seemed to be moving gently over my own remote periphery. The roots of plants and trees appeared through a dim transparency of the soil; I discerned the inward flow of their sap.

The whole vicinity lay bare before me. My ordinary frontal vision was now changed to a vast spherical sight, simultaneously all-perceptive. Through the back of my head I saw men strolling far down Rai Ghat Road, and noticed also a white cow who was leisurely approaching. When she reached the space in front of the open ashram gate, I observed her with my two physical eyes. As she passed by, behind the brick wall, I saw her clearly still.

All objects within my panoramic gaze trembled and vibrated like quick motion pictures. My body, Master's, the pillared courtyard, the furniture and floor, the trees and sunshine, occasionally became violently agitated, until all melted into a luminescent sea; even as sugar crystals, thrown into a glass of water, dissolve after being shaken. The unifying light alternated with materializations of form, the metamorphoses revealing the law of cause and effect in creation.

An oceanic joy broke upon calm endless shores of my soul. The Spirit of God, I realized, is exhaustless Bliss; His body is countless tissues of light. A swelling glory within me began to envelop towns, continents, the earth, solar and stellar systems, tenuous nebulae, and floating universes. The entire cosmos, gently luminous, like a city seen afar at night, glimmered within the infinitude of my being. The sharply etched global outlines faded somewhat at the farthest edges; there I could see a mellow radiance, ever-undiminished. It was indescribably subtle; the planetary pictures were formed of a grosser light.

The divine dispersion of rays poured from an Eternal Source, blazing into galaxies, transfigured with ineffable auras. Again and again I saw the creative beams condense into constellations, then resolve into sheets of transparent flame. By rhythmic reversion, sextillion worlds passed into diaphanous luster; fire became firmament.

I cognized the center of the empyrean as a point of intuitive perception in my heart. Irradiating splendor issued from my nucleus to every part of the universal structure. Blissful amrita, the nectar of immortality, pulsed through me with a quicksilverlike fluidity. The creative voice of God I heard resounding as Aum, the vibration of the Cosmic Motor.

Suddenly the breath returned to my lungs. With a disappointment almost unbearable, I realized that my infinite immensity was lost. Once more I was limited to the humiliating cage of a body, not easily accommodative to the Spirit. Like a prodigal child, I had run away from my macrocosmic home and imprisoned myself in a narrow microcosm.

I (PY) wrote, in my later years, the following poem, "Samadhi," endeavoring to convey the glory of its cosmic state:

Vanished the veils of light and shade,
Lifted every vapor of sorrow,
Sailed away all dawns of fleeting joy,
Gone the dim sensory mirage.
Love, hate, health, disease, life, death,
Perished these false shadows on the screen of duality.
Waves of laughter, scyllas of sarcasm, melancholic whirlpools,
Melting in the vast sea of bliss.
The storm of maya stilled
By magic wand of intuition deep.
The universe, forgotten dream, subconsciously lurks,
Ready to invade my newly-wakened memory divine.
I live without the cosmic shadow,
But it is not, bereft of me;
As the sea exists without the waves,
But they breathe not without the sea.
Dreams, wakings, states of deep turia sleep,
Present, past, future, no more for me,
But ever-present, all-flowing I, I, everywhere.
Planets, stars, stardust, earth,
Volcanic bursts of doomsday cataclysms,
Creation's molding furnace,
Glaciers of silent x-rays, burning electron floods,
Thoughts of all men, past, present, to come,
Every blade of grass, myself, mankind,
Each particle of universal dust,
Anger, greed, good, bad, salvation, lust,
I swallowed, transmuted all
Into a vast ocean of blood of my own one Being!
Smoldering joy, oft-puffed by meditation
Blinding my tearful eyes,
Burst into immortal flames of bliss,
Consumed my tears, my frame, my all.
Thou art I, I am Thou,
Knowing, Knower, Known, as One!
Tranquilled, unbroken thrill, eternally living, ever-new peace!
Enjoyable beyond imagination of expectancy, samadhi bliss!
Not an unconscious state
Or mental chloroform without wilful return,
Samadhi but extends my conscious realm
Beyond limits of the mortal frame
To farthest boundary of eternity
Where I, the Cosmic Sea,
Watch the little ego floating in Me.
The sparrow, each grain of sand, fall not without My sight.
All space floats like an iceberg in My mental sea.
Colossal Container, I, of all things made.
By deeper, longer, thirsty, guru-given meditation
Comes this celestial samadhi.
Mobile murmurs of atoms are heard,
The dark earth, mountains, vales, lo! molten liquid!
Flowing seas change into vapors of nebulae!
Aum blows upon vapors, opening wondrously their veils,
Oceans stand revealed, shining electrons,
Till, at last sound of the cosmic drum,
Vanish the grosser lights into eternal rays
Of all-pervading bliss.
From joy I came, for joy I live, in sacred joy I melt.
Ocean of mind, I drink all creation's waves.
Four veils of solid, liquid, vapor, light,
Lift aright.
Myself, in everything, enters the Great Myself.
Gone forever, fitful, flickering shadows of mortal memory.
Spotless is my mental sky, below, ahead, and high above.
Eternity and I, one united ray.
A tiny bubble of laughter, I
Am become the Sea of Mirth Itself.

OK... I'm actually cool with his factual version... but this too is beautiful!  Oneness rocks : )

All things Hindu considered, I ran into this tidbit today.  The India Indian Trinity is Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva.  They are considered the first musicians (according to Paramahansa Yogananda in Autobiography of a Yogi).

This is pretty cool for all of you band members ('cause you can consider yourself a representative of God... I laughed as I reread this, because you're not just the representative of God, but I'll just leave it like this).  Someone can correct me here, 'cause I'm no expert, but I'm thinking for those of us with Christian backgrounds: Brahma would be Father, Vishnu the Son, and Shiva the Holy Spirit. 

Krishna, who is an incarnation of Vishnu (check out the Bhagavad Gita... amazing), is often painted or represented with a flute in hand, or to mouth.  "On it he plays the enrapturing song that recalls to their true home the human souls wandering in maya-delusion" (that's US, not really open eyed in our awareness of God).

Does this sound familiar?  I'm half tempted to look up the story of Pied Piper (why was he Pied anyway?) after the fiasco with the Little Engine That Could last week.  But I believe the story normally has this piper leading children away from their homes.  I've read it done with the positive twist, like the Piper leads the rats away from an infested town. 

Ok, I'm too curious.  Play a second or two of hold music while I fish for the wicki... 

I'm not reading the whole thing, jeez.  Here's the gist though.  There were rats : )  It seems that the story was first written about a dozen years before The Little Engine That Could, which puts it back in the very early 1900's, but it looks to have originated from some real event in Hamelin centuries before.  There were written records of it, and stained glass windows in the church.  Apparently, the children died.  That's what counts.

If you want my guess, I bet the rats were the cause... like a plague or something... then the children also died because of the infestation.  The piper was the Savior incarnate... pulling both the cause of the ravaging and the souls away from the town.

So in this Christian church, there was a stained glass depiction of the pied piper, leading children in white away.  What was Krishna doing hanging out in a Christian church, hee hee hee?  Kinda blurs the lines, doesn't it?!

If the piper plays to lead us to the Eternal Reality, thank God (literally) for those children of Hamelin.  Whether it was Jesus or Krishna (or whether they are truly the exact same entity) matters not... what matters was the awareness that the extreme sadness of a town in mourning was countered by the realization that those souls were carefully led away to the "heaven" of the believers.

What matters is that you who play the flutes, the wind instruments, play as representation of the Omnipresence!  Gotta love it.